finding happiness around the holidays...

gosh, I don't really know where to start with this but I feel the need to write about it to see if it makes me feel better.

 

for once I seemed to be excited about Christmas & then it really hit me yesterday that, no I really am not.

 

back in 2007, I was a sophomore in college and on December 20, I got a horrible phone call at about 6pm that evening that my dad had died in north carolina & that they would call me when they knew any more. this phone call came from some friends of his. I mean who honestly calls someone, tells them that & then hangs up the phone... thank goodness I wasn't driving but I was alone, house sitting for some friends about 45 minutes away from home. I frantically started calling my mom who didn't answer & then started calling her boyfriend & back and forth until someone answered. my mom ended up driving out to where I was to come spend the night with me so I wasn't alone.

granted, my dad & I were not close at all, nor had we spoken since I was 16. we had the visitation after the holidays in January that year & I didn't cry once about it or really seem upset. weird I know but then again we weren't close & he didn't really want to be part of my life.

 

once again, here I sit, hating Christmas for no reason really. trying to search for some happiness today so that I am not so miserable. Christmas is one of my favorite holidays & I really would like to find that again.